These words are the property of clever people. I'm just trying to put them in order.

Month: November, 2013

#50 My final poem of Movember

My final poem of Movember

must be one we will remember

so I’ll try my best to make it rhyme

or we’ll forget it all the time.

I hope you found my poems funny

Or at least thought them quite good

If you did please give some money,

If you can’t then, understood.

Your cash will not be going to me

but to help many peoples’ lives,

to help them live, healthy and happy,

and live their lives for longer.

I wrote fifty poems because I wanted

to make my Movember stronger.

The first few weeks

I thought to myself

‘I think this might be tricky’.

But after twenty,

which is actually plenty,

my fingers became sticky.

Anything they happened to touch

that wasn’t my keyboard or pen

they’d want to linger

each one of my fingers

and then I’d have to unstick them again.


But I managed to do it,

it’s good for myself

but I want it to help many others,

so please do help out,

because louder we shout

when we do it and all act as brothers.





This is the page where you can donate if you want to. At the top right there’s a button to change it from Spanish to English and I’ve been told that donating is very straight forward even if your currency isn’t the euro.


All the best and thanks for reading!




#49 My beard is ginger

‘My beard is ginger’,

I heard a fox say,

‘No it’s not’

replied a goat.


‘My beard comes with

A built-in jet pack

and a life jacket

to keep me afloat.’


‘What’s that got to do

with my fiery fur?’

spat back the fox

and waited.


The goat said

‘don’t know’,

then he started to go

but then his life jacket inflated.


The goat then fell over

and the fox, moreover,

just looked at the goat and laughed,


For it was only then

he realised,

that the goat only had a moustache.


#48 Moustaches are the root

Moustaches are the root,

and the beard is the tree,

I must be on my head.


Because life is upside down,

you see,

I went to Sydney instead.

I thought things would be right way up,

But it’s all wrong way round,

So roundabouts are,


and my feet don’t touch the ground.

#47 The hair on my face

The hair on my face

Is a wonderful place

as it keeps itself nice and warm.


And if I do shave ‘ere

That is bad behaviour

As outside is brewing a storm.


Please no outside

I shout at the window

Please no outside

I shout.


But outside can’t hear me

If it can, then not clearly 

as things are now blowing about.

#46 Said the hair to the turtle…

Said the hair to the turtle,

‘My dearest of friends,

Why don’t you have any of me?’

Said turtle to hair,

‘For me it is rare,

There is not even hair

on my knee,

No eyelash or brow

to furrow and pluck

folically speaking,

I’m plum out of luck.’

Said hair to turtle,

‘I’ll sit on your head,

Like a wig

but just one,

So a cobweb instead.’

#45 Moustaches are slow

Moustaches are slow

like a slug on a treadmill

They move with the slightest of haste

But unlike slugs

They don’t take in food

It just sits there for you to taste

#44 Whiskers on sisters

Whiskers on sisters 

Can cause Chinese whispers

So some shave off the ones that they see


But I think it is fair

If you want to have hair

Because faces get cold I believe


It is not out of choice

That I have a voice

Nor to have terrible eyes


So if you have hair

be proud, have it there

be rare and a lovely surprise.


#43 The pros and cons of tashes

The pros and cons of tashes

are obvious and plenty

so I’ll let you work them out yourself

I think there are more than twenty.


If you get a piece of paper

then fold it in two

write pros on one side and on the other

cons will be a few.


For there are few things better than tashes

but many things are worse

so stop grooming your eyelashes

and grow a moustache first.


#42 shaving problems.

Trimming a moustache

is the trickiest thing

if you have shaky hands

the edges are messy

the middle is worse

it looks like Comic Sans.

The scissors can slip

the razor can slide

there’s lots of room for error.

Whatever you do,

remember this,

left is left

and right is right,

even when using a mirror.

#41 The cost of shaving

The cost of shaving

gets more and more

the more obsession

you have.

For if you don’t mind

hairs of this kind

growing all over your face,

you can save money

for rainier days

then travel all over

the place!