A man at the pub told me about his cat.

by justbekozlowski

A cat with a face twice as big as its head,

Went strolling out one day,

For weeks it was missing,

No one heard it hissing, 

And assumed it had gone away.
For weeks it was gone,

For weeks it would go,

On it’s disappearing act,

Until, like a dream,

Suddenly a scream,

And you’d wake up to hear the cat.
It would howl and whine,

Regardless of time,

And wake the neighbours at night,

The cat had been fighting,

With the local Toms,

About who’d win the ladies tonight.
Now cats they are crafty,

But BigFace took a shafting,

Before he had run back home,

‘Like a stuntman’s elbow’

Battered and shattered,

He lay on the ground all alone.
Unable to move, 

No pain could he soothe,

He’d whine and whinge and cry,

Until he felt better,

Then he’d groom his best sweater,

And off into the night he would fly.
So if you’re a cat,

Who behaves like that,

Be careful, or you might end up dead,

Perhaps it’s is preferable,

To just be a dog,

And smell peoples’ bottoms instead.