I am under strict instructions to sit comfortably and be quiet. I have no real problems with being quiet. In fact, I have been relatively quiet since I have been in Spain. For if there is something I want to shout, I will have to do it in Spanish and by the time I have found out how to say it, quite often, it is no longer needed.
Things like ‘I’d move my bag if I were you because there’s a pigeon on top of the building and it’s lining up a shot.’
‘It’s raining. Gadzooks, who has an umbrella I can borrow?’
Rain doesn’t last long here. I learned that at the weekend.
Now I will rewind a couple of days and tell you the story of how I came to be staying in bed on a Tuesday with the intention of being quiet.
On Saturday night, I went out with my friends and slowly made my way back the next morning aided by strangers who all seem to have an encyclopaedic knowledge of Barcelona’s locations, bus times, and the English language, right when you need it most.
On Sunday I awoke and I took a coffee for breakfast because my awakening was too late to eat breakfast so I waited for lunch. I then dined and became very full and had a bit to drink as the weather was nice and white wine tastes nice in the sun.
This is where the story takes a dark turn. For those of you who dislike dark turns, now would be a good time to stop reading. Skip to the end, I’ll write you an alternative ending. For those of you who don’t know what a dark turn is, I’m with you. It’s too words next to each other essentially but instead of editing it out I will spend more words commenting on my lack of editing.
After lunch I decided to engage in a wee kick about in the garden.
The garden is largely grass with a tree near the edge.
Whilst chasing a football, I ran into that tree. The football was on the ground and the tree wasn’t in my line of vision so I head-butted that branchy demon like it was a common bouncy castle and I bounced right back off it.
I felt a little strange and sat down a little after this. I put a lot of what I was feeling down to tiredness from the night before and thought nothing more of it.
Yesterday (which was Monday), I went to school as normal and tried to carry on but I kept having dizzy spells and feeling queasy. I couldn’t really eat lunch and after this went home. I wasn’t feeling normal. In cartoons, when someone bumps their head and their are clouds and birds flying around their head, this is no fiction. I spent the afternoon with some clouds and a lovely bird call Gerald. (The clouds were called Larry and David.)
I managed to make it home and later when the family got home from work at about 10 o’clock, they said they would take me to see a doctor. We had a little dinner, by this point I was rather peckish and I enjoyed my omelet with green beans (on the side).
One of the boys was already with their aunt in Barcelona and we dropped the other off at another aunt’s house. Then we headed to the hospital. I apologized for dragging the parents out so late on a Monday night and they told me not to worry about it. I checked into the hospital at about 23.37 give or take a few seconds.
One doctor tried to make me feel dizzy but it didn’t work, then another doctor gave me a massage with the intention of hurting me. It worked. My neck and upper spine were incredibly painful when she applied pressure to them.
I then had to get topless so that they could x-ray me. I thought it strange that the camera can see through my skin but not my t-shirt. I had to strike dramatic poses so that they could see my bones well.
I then went and they took photos of my brain. There was a thing that spins round and round your head whilst you lie inside a big weird plastic cave. Considering I was still feeling dreamy, I definitely could have been my own t-shirt in a tumble dryer at this point in time.
So after these tests, the outcome was that my head was fine. However I do have a bit of my brain which is lighter than the rest. The doctor said this was the part of my brain that makes me awesome. He actually said English. Either way, it’s nothing to worry about.
The x-ray of my neck showed that I had strained my neck when I bounced back off the tree. So my head was fine but my neck had suffered the forced of my encounter with the tree.
I’m now taking drugs which make me feel even more dreamy and all my energy is spent on staying quiet. There’s no one hear to talk to so it would be quiet strange to be noisy anyway.
I have a fairly loose grip on reality as it goes but for the next week I think it will be looser.
There we go. Well, running into a tree was definitely up there with silly things I really didn’t need to do. But it also had fantastic consequences. After we had been to the hospital, I thanked the parents for taking me and apologized for getting them out and about on a Monday night which is probably when they need that the least.
They told me not to say thank you or apologize because as long as they can help then they are happy to and as long as I am under their roof then they will treat me like family whether it’s for a party, the hospital, the good times, the bad times or the boogie.
So doing stupid things can have fantastic outcomes.
After lunch I met an alien who was mainly purple with yellow spots. It resembled that attachment on the hoover with the weird circle of brushes around it. The one whose purpose I’ve never understood.
The alien said to me to be quiet. I’d been drinking so I thought, yes, you’re absolutely right. I will never speak a work of this again.
In fact technically, I still never have.