justbekozlowski

These words are the property of clever people. I'm just trying to put them in order.

Month: June, 2013

Watch

Watch the people shouting,

they age with every word,

Watch the people laughing,

time stops in their world,

everybody´s growing old,

some faster than others,

Better not to hate your life,

than spend time with lovers,

For every second angry,

you’ll spend a year in angst,

for every second laughing,

you’ll find your clock uncranked.

 

Stop worrying about the future,

it comes around just soon enough,

pretend to laugh for a while,

you’ll find it turns real in a cough.

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Time fries and fish to fly.

I have two-to-three weeks left in Catalonia and I’m left wondering where the time has gone. I’m trying to work out my next steps; a place to live, a room to call my own and a life filled with things I love and people I love. I think that’s what everyone seems to be looking for at the end of the day. Life will inevitably be simpler when I stop zoning out of conversations because the language barrier won’t let me in. When I am speaking I will be able use the words I want instead of the closest Spanish alternative that I can think of.

 

I have no doubts that this has been a fantastic experience for me and I have met some incredible people with mad lives of their own to return to at some point. While I have been a big part of mine and that is something I won’t forget.

 

I am enjoying my final weeks here with the intention to leave behind memories of happiness and good times. It’s going to be hard to readjust and it may take some time. I am well aware that I may appear a fool for leaving but I feel that only a fool would stay somewhere because of what other people might think if they didn’t. You regret the things that you don’t do and sometimes you regret the things that you do do. I don’t regret my time here and I don’t think I’ll regret leaving. It’s sad, but not something I’ll regret.

 

As one adventure ends, another will surely begin, and that’s what excites me. I would love to spend the summer here and I’m sure one year I will but for now I have lots of fish to fry and a crowd of hungry people to feed so I need to get back in the kitchen before they eat me.

 

 

A salute to Iain Banks and other things.

So I have just awoken from my Sunday siesta to learn that Iain Banks has passed away and the Mediterranean sea has turned black outside my window. I suspect it is in mourning. Not only did I read his books but I felt like I had a friend in the man. Whoever the protagonist, I would care and I would root for them. Sometimes in books I quite frankly couldn’t care less but upon reading the books or Mister Banks I would find myself bothered and thinking about the book when I wasn’t reading the book. This doesn’t happen often for me. He is a great, his books will be read forever and he will always be an inspiration. So thank you Iain Banks for everything. Your output will provide generations with entertainment and thoughts they were unaware that they were capable of. Bright, brilliant and irreplaceable. Iain Banks I salute you.

Last night I went with a friend to a regular bar of ours and we found ourselves in the small back room with an open roof to meet the skies. There was a man playing guitar and roughly ten-fifteen people singing along. This went on for quite some time until the table next to ours started speaking to my friend and I about speaking English. Soon the tables were joined and friends were made. We spoke about English and Spanish and everyone was drinking ‘Turbio’ the most fantastic drink to ever exist. Before long our table had made friends with the bigger table with the guitar and at one point a cello. Somewhere in there, a marble table got smashed and I was singing ‘you’ve got a friend in me’. Life can hand you a lot of fun when you least expect it, if I ever work out why it happens, I’ll let you know. Just to clarify, the table smashing was an accident and in no way part of the fun. That’s not how I roll.

I find it funny how people can float in and out of each others lives just for one night or maybe a week like we’re all ghosts, and you might never understand why these people are the way they are but for the time that you know them, they’re like a best friend.

That’s pretty cool if you ask me. Way to go humans. Keep up the good work. If we all treat everyone we meet as an accepted friend then I think we’d get a lot more done.

Pop your bubbles.

Since being in Spain I have realised the importance of being honest. Obviously I wasn’t a compulsive liar before I got here but I did notice I held back decisions for a long time or wasn’t completely upfront about the way I was feeling or what I wanted at times.

 

I think the Spanish ‘bluntness’ has made me realise two things, there are some things you should keep to yourself and there are some things you have to be completely upfront and honest about. Since being transparent with people I have lost a lot of the anxiety and fear of what people will think if I say something or if I tell them something. Over time these things put you in your own little bubble and you float up, and up, and up. When that bubble pops, it leaves you unsure of where you’ll land. So I’ve started to pop bubbles.

 

If you have something you want to do, stop dreaming and filling your bubble with doubts.

 

How fun is bubble wrap?

 

Pop them all as quick as you can. Twist the bubble wrap and pop them all.

 

The sooner you speak to people about a situation or problem, the sooner it gets sorted. It’s as simple as that. What with tax rebates, gas bills and whether your bus will turn up on time; life doesn’t need more uncertainty. The things you can control, you should control.

 

Simples. Over and out.

Been slacking.

Well, I am now twenty-three which I have decided is the year for everything to be done. Even the things that might not need doing. I spent the last part of my last year freaking out about what comes next but in the end, I realised that I just need to do everything I want to until it all works out. There is no point worrying about all the problems that might happen if they’re not happening.

 

Since I have been teaching in Spain there is no doubt in my heart that I have loved the experience but as much as it is difficult I have made the decision to move to pastures afar and move on to new things. Maybe soon. How soon I have not yet figured but I am piecing these things together slowly.

 

The two things I have not had time for are writing and music; so the next steps I’m making, are towards allowing me to do more of those things.

 

It’s an exciting time where everything could potentially fly out of the window while I sleep but as long as I sleep with the most important things in my heart then they can’t blow away. And if they do, I’m going with them.

 

I’ve not been writing enough lately and I can’t blame my job for that. But I need a change to give myself a new pair of eyes and start again, again. There’s been a lot in my head that I would have put down and it would have helped but for anyone else it would just look like the ramblings of an idiot.

 

Instead I did the classic pros and cons list system in order to figure my life out. So far I’ve been sleeping like a baby and making plans. Getting a lot done and generally smiling more. I hope it isn’t temporary because I sure do like smiling.

 

Smiles to you all.